So I was being a “good wife” and folding my husband’s just-out-of-the-washer-and-dryer gym shorts when I found his iPod. IN THE POCKET OF SAID SHORTS. Needless to say, the iPod is now dead. Gone. No longer able to let AJ tune in to ESPN while enjoying his daily run. SIGH.
If this had happened a year ago, I would have started crying at the helplessness of it all. This one incident would have caused me to question my ability to be a good wife, a good mother, a good ANYthing; if I can’t even check the pockets of the frigging LAUNDRY then how am I supposed to take care of my entire family?? Just one more example of what a failure I am… what’s the point of it all, anyway, if I’m just going to ruin everything I touch??
I’m sure this type of reaction either a) is familiar to you or, b) makes you say, “Whoa, that’s a little extreme, don’t you think?”
If you’ve ever dealt with depression on a personal level, those negative thoughts are familiar to you. All it takes is one incident to cause a huge downward spiral of self-loathing and hopelessness. In hindsight and with clarity, it’s ridiculous. But in the moment, to you, it’s oh, so real.
I’m writing about this because today, when I found that cursed iPod, I didn’t react that way. And that is A BIG DEAL! I’m trying to document the moments when my story turns from survival to victory so that one day, when my kids are old enough, they can know about my struggles and can be aware of their own.
Don’t get me wrong – I definitely had an “Are you SERIOUS?? Did this really just happen??” moment. I had thoughts of “ahhhh I didn’t check the pockets!” and “ahhhh he left it in his shorts!! In the laundry basket!” and “why do they have to make these things so darn SMALL?!?!” But that’s where it ended, and oh, such sweet relief to have objectiveness of the situation.
A small triumph in a big world, but I thought it was worth sharing. Have a happy Thursday, and don’t forget to check your pockets! :)